One big circle

Last year on this day Ralph and I went to get my free dinner at Provinos. I did not realize it, but I was going to have Sylvie in 10 days. I ordered my free entrée, ate half of it and then felt like I had stuffed a 20lb ball into my stomach. I was so full with food and baby I thought I was going to give birth right there. It was horrible.

Birthdays have a whole different meaning after you have a child. When I had birthdays before Sylvie, I never thought about how much I had accomplished in one year, or how quick the year had gone by, what I would be doing the next year in my life, or even what I had done the year before. I guess I lived in the present. Now I am thinking about how quick this year went by, I have had a child this whole time. I keep thinking about what I was doing last year at this time, I didn’t even know if Sylvie was going to be a boy or a girl! My how things change. Everyone says things will change after you have a baby, but you just cannot explain this in full until you have a child. It is amazing how EVERYTHING changes. Your body, your mind, your memory, what you think about, what you eat. Everything down to the size shoe you wear. I struggled a little with this at first, I felt like I didn’t even know who I was, because everything had changed so drastically and so quickly. I felt that after Sylvie was born everything had changed and I felt like I should not be the same person. I felt like I should be different, and I was different. But even though everything had changed, I was still the same person. I am still Karen. Now I am just also mama.

This year we went to Provinos agian. I got my free dinner and felt the same as I did last year- except with a beautiful child (along with my handsome husband) to share it with.